Making the Holy Days Bright.

The holidays are upon us!  For many of us it’s a stressful time.  I often see articles and blog posts about this time of year with lots of tips and tricks for making the holidays a “stress-free” time.  Usually they are filled with innovative ways to cook a turkey or to make festive decorations with as little hassle as possible.  And fair enough!  It takes a genuine effort to provide the festive environment these days rightly deserve.  The Advent and Christmas seasons truly are Holy Days and as Catholics we appreciate the value of celebrating, with concrete signs and lived experiences, the grace that God pours out to us so abundantly.   But I don’t think that it is this worthy effort that really causes “Holiday Stress” for most of us. 

Let’s be clear, God’s grace is a free and gratuitous gift.  He does not demand that we bend over backwards or tie ourselves up in knots to receive what He offers.  Rather, our celebrations are meant to be a response in gratitude for what He has already done and continues to do for us.  Often, we are not stressed because of our efforts to try and live up to God’s expectations for the holidays, but because we are trying to live up to our own (and/or other’s) contradictory ones.  “It just wouldn’t be Christmas without the turkey and ham and stuffing and gravy and potatoes made 10 different ways and Grandma’s 34 ingredient Oyster dressing and handmade apple, pumpkin, and mincemeat (that nobody but uncle Joe likes) pies and all the other fixings.  But don’t waste the holidays slaving away in the kitchen!   Be sure to look your best, and wear a smile, and be a gracious and fun host in your immaculately clean and festively decorated house and be sure to have a fabulous gift for everyone. And for heaven’s sake, no matter what might have happened this year or might be going on in your life, don’t ever be sad, or angry, or in any way grumpy even for one second!”  Really!  The burden we otherwise rational and emotionally balanced people place on ourselves during the holidays can be positively insane!  And I haven’t even mentioned providing for the children or dealing with the in-laws!

So what are we to do?  Call the whole thing off?  I’m not afraid to admit that the temptation to “Cancel Christmas” has reared its head from time to time.  But that gives up too much.  At the same time we still live in this “vale of tears” and all of those contradictory demands are a part of life.  The fact is we live and celebrate our life of faith and hope in a real and sometimes dark world and it is part of our vocation to figure out how to do that, with the help of God’s grace in the best way we can.  As the Church taught during the Second Vatican Council:

“By reason of their special vocation it belongs to the laity to seek the kingdom of God by engaging in temporal affairs and directing them according to God's will.” (Lumen Gentium, 31)

Knowing how to navigate the often times turbulent waters of the Holiday season takes wisdom, discernment, and intentionality.  To put it differently, it takes holiness; the kind of holiness that is proper to the lay vocation.  What that holiness will look like in the concrete will be different for each of us, but the means to get there is the same – Prayer. 
If we want to manage the stress of the holidays, we need to prepare by committing ourselves to a disciplined life of prayer, regularly examining our hearts and offering them to God, then listening to his wisdom and receiving His gracious care.  Otherwise we will be tossed about by a thousand lesser concerns.  It is especially important for married couples to pray together, attentively listening to the needs and desires of one another’s hearts and committing themselves to being the helpmate they promised one another to be.  If that means sacrificing some desire or expectations that hinder rather than promote a joy filled celebration of these holy-days, then let us pray for the courage and generosity to let it go. 

Honest and deliberate prayer, communing with God and contemplating His goodness together as a family, will teach us what we need to do and what we need to let go of in order to offer our friends, family, and God, a worthy and joyful celebration of His coming among us.  That is what will make the season bright.